(很長一段的) 無言

even though it’s a wholesale business, the warehouse gets quite a bit of walk-in customers daily. after 4+ years, i now have mad respect for people who work in retail/customer service. here’s why.

btw, i did not make any of these up.

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customer speaks to me in vietnamese.
me (smiling): i dont speak vietnamese.
customer speaks to me in vietnamese.
me (smiling): i dont know vietname.
(raises voice, angrily) customer speaks to me in vietnamese.
me (not smiling): i dont understand what you’re saying.
customer: why you dont learn speak vietnamese???
me (really not smiling): why dont you learn to speak ENGLISH? this is AMERICA.

—————————-

customer speaks to me in vietnamese.
me: i dont know vietnamese.
customer: oh sorry. you’re not vietnamese?
me: no…
customer: i thought you’re vietnamese.
me: no, i’m chinese.
customer: oh.. but you used to be right?
me: … i used to be vietnamese?
customer: yeah?
me: no.. i’ve.. always been chinese…

how does that even work?

—————————-

customer: how much is this?
me: $18
customer: WHY??!!

– or –

customer: how much?
me: $20
customer looks at me like i just ran over his first-born son.

—————————–

customer: how much are your 10″ mums?
me: $15.
customer: so expensive!!! costco only sells $10.99!
me: wow, i would totally get it from costco.

– or –

customer: why are you so much more expensive than walmart?
me: because we’re not walmart?

– or –

customer: how much are your orchids?
me: $16 for tall ones.
customer: you know they’re $12 at trader joes?
me: the quality is not the same.
(it’s true!)
customer: really? they look the same to me.
me: really? then you should get them from trader joes.

——————————

customers who come in 3 minutes before i close and spent 30 minutes “shopping."

——————————

customer pays for purchase.
me: it’s $10.88.
customer: for pompoms? that’s too much! you should charge only $9.
me ((fake)smiling): do you go to ralph’s and tell them how much they should charge for apples?

—————————-

customer pays for purchase.

me: $36.04 please.
customer: how about $30?
me: how about no?

—————————–

customer asks how much 6″ potted chrysanthemums are.
me: $7.50 each.
customer: how about $4? i will buy two.
me: no.
customer browses some more, comes back.
customer: i take two for $8 dollars.
me: no.

– or –

customer asks how much orchids are.
me: tall ones are $16, short ones are $9.
customer: ok, i buy one big one, one small one. together, $20.
me: no.

—————————–

customer takes one bunch of white carnations and asks how much.

me: it’s $8.
customer: but this one is not so good…
me: you want to pick out another bunch?
customer: no i want this one, but see it’s a little brown here..
me: i have a lot of white carns inside. you want me to get you another bunch?
customer: no i like this one. but it’s no good. see?
me: i’m not sure what you want me to do here.
customer: ok i’ll take this one.

——————————

customers who come in wearing full on pajamas. top & bottom matching, navy blue, plaid pajamas.

——————————

customer phones.
customer: i’d like to place an order next week.
me: sure.
customer: is there a way to call you? what’s the best way to call you?
me: … by phone?
customer: great! i’ll call you next week.
me: please do.

—————————–

customer: how much is your dragon’s breath?
me: … you mean baby’s breath?
customer: yeah that breath.

——————————

customer looks at cymbidium orchids.
customer: the orchids are so short this year huh?
me: yeah… this is all they had at the farm.
customer: you dont have taller ones?
me: no… what you see is all i’ve got.
customer: oh… you dont have taller ones?
me: no…
custmer: oh… (look around) so you dont have taller ones?
me: i really dont.
customer browses around, comes back.
customer: so you dont have other orchids that are taller?
me (!!!): no.

——————————

customers who come in and act as if we’re BFFs.

no, i dont know you, and you’re not getting a discount.

——————————

customer: do you have red carnations?
me: yeah. how many do you need?
customer: i need A LOT. you probably dont have enough.
me: how many?
customer (intensely): 50.
me: 50 bunches?
customer: 50 stems.
me: … that’s 2 bunches. i have 2 bunches.

——————————

customer phones.
customer: do you have white lilies?
i run inside the cooler to check. comes back.
me: yeah. how many?
customer: just one bunch. do you have white hydrangeas?
i run inside the cooler to check. comes back.
me: i do. how many?
customer: just one. oh do you have pink gerberas?
me: let me double check. do you need anything else? so i can check all at once.
customer: no. just the pink gerberas.
i run inside the cooler to check. comes back.
me: yeah. i’ll save you one.
customer: ok thanks. i’ll pick up later.
10 seconds later, literally, 10 seconds later, the same lady walks in.
me: were you outside just now when you called?
customer (nonchalantly): yeah.
me: why didnt you just come inside??
customer: i wanted to see if you have the flowers first.

——————————

customer: do you have 3 white alstroemerias?
me: when do you need them?
customer: tomorrow or thursday
me: yeah i’ll have them.
customer: are you sure?
me: yes.
customer: and how many stems come in a bunch? 10?
me: yes. it’s the same ones you always get.
customer: is it 10 though? i cant remember.
me: yes.
customer: yeah i think it’s 10 too. i remember it’s 10.
me: yes.
customer: on what days do you get your flowers though? monday tuesday wednesday thursday?
me: yes.
customer: do you have the white ones though?
me: yes.
customer: the white white ones?
me: yes.
customer: do you have 3? are you sure you have 3 bunches? i’m picking them up tomorrow or thursday.
me: I WILL HAVE THEM.

– the same person –

customer phones.
customer: what time are you closing today?
me: 4:30.
customer: it’s 4:12 right now. do you think i can make it in time?
me: … i dont know where you are.
customer: i’m on chapman and @#%^$.
me: i’m not sure where that is.
customer: how about chapman and &*%&$^&? i’m passing &*%&$^&.
me: i really dont know where that is.
customer: well, i just got off work. i’m on my way. do you think i can make it?
me: i dont know where you are!
customer: then what streets do you know?
me: i’m not even gonna try to answer that.
me: i’ll wait for you till 4:40. i have to get to the bank by 5.
customer: ok, but do you think i can make it by 4:40?
me (head explodes): i can’t hear you~ i hope you make it~ bye~

this lady calls and asks insanely annoying questions all the time. i want to strangle a small animal with the telephone cord everytime i hear her voice.

—————————–

customers who steal.

——————————

customer: how much are your red roses?
me: $12, $14, $16
(referring to the 3 sizes – 40cm/50cm/60cm. all florists know this)
customer: so 50cm is $14?
me: yea.
customer: and 60cm is how much?
me: $16.
customer: so 50cm is $14 right?
me: yes.
customer: and 60cm is $16 right?
me: yes.
customer: how about 40cm?
me: $12.
customer: so 40cm is $12.50?
me: $12.
customer: so 50cm is $12.50?
me: 50cm is $14.
customer: so 40cm, 50cm, 60cm is $12.50, $16, and how much?
me (shakes my head in disbelief): no…
customer: so how much are roses?
me: 40cm is $12. 50cm is $14. 60cm is $16.
customer: so 50cm is $14?
me: yes.

customer leaves without buying any roses.

—————————

customer asks for prices. i tell her.

customer: i come here everyweek. special price for me ok?
i tell her the same prices again.
customer: that’s expensive. i think your mom is more reasonable.
me: you dont know my mom.
customer: i know your mom. the other lady.
me: she’s not my mom. (it’s my staff)
customer: yea she’s your mom.
me: she’s not my mom.
customer: i know she’s your mom.
me: she’s not my mom.
customer: she IS your mom.
me: my mom is dead.

sorry mom. it was a particularly rough day.

——————————

customer: did you cut your hair?
me: yup!
customer: too much, no?
me: huh?
customer: not too much?
me: you mean i’ve cut too much?
customer: yeah! hahaha!
me: uh, no.

who says that?!

– or –

customer: oh you cut your hair!
me: yeah hehe.
customer: i like you with long hair more!
me: oh haha.
customer: why you cut so short?
me: i dont know. felt like it.
customer: oh i know… your friend likes short hair huh?
me: who?
customer: your boyfriend!
me: oh haha. i dont have a boyfriend.
customer: i don’t believe you.
me: … ok.
customer: why don’t you have a boyfriend?
me: that’s a good question. i don’t know.
customer: you’re so young!
me: not really.
customer: i don’t believe you. you have a boyfriend.
me: i don’t..
customer: i don’t believe.
me: i really don’t.
customer: you don’t have a boyfriend?
me: i don’t!!!
customer: you should get a boyfriend!
me: i’m trying to.
customer: get married!! so you don’t have to work anymore!
me: oh god.

——————————

that one time i sold my dignity for $185.60 dollars –

this mr. clean looking old guy came in wearing camo pants and a tight t-shirt that said “special forces" on it.
as i rang him up:
guy: you should work out more.
me: oh yea?
guy: i train people. i can help you.
me: oh haha. no, thank you.
guy (pointed at his tshirt): i used to be in the army. special forces.
me: oh cool.
guy: i work out a lot, so i’m still in good shape.
me: nice.
guy: my abs are very hard.
me: that’s great.
guy: you dont believe me? you can feel them.
me: oh i believe you.
guy: c’mon, you can touch it.
me: no i’m sure they’re very hard.
guy (grabbed my hand and put it on his stomach): see?
me: oKAY….
guy: call me. i can train you.
me: your total is $185.60.

i still can’t believe i touched some creep’s abs just to sell flowers.

honestly though, he had a rock hard six-pack. good for you, old guy.

——————————

that one time i’m pretty sure a small blood vessel ruptured somewhere in my frontal lobe –

shop was busy, several customers waiting in line.
this couple, bitch wife + doormat husband kind of couple, pushed up a cart full of orchids to pay.
i started typing up their invoice.
wife: there are so many holes on your floor.
me: oh there are?
wife: yeah i tripped.
me: oh no! are you ok?
wife: i think i twisted my ankle… it really hurts…
me: whoa i’m really sorry. i’ll call the landlord and have them fix it right away.
wife: yeah, you should really be careful… (gave a bitchy face) i could SUE you for this, you know?
me (bleeped, bleeped bleeped bleeped): you’re right. well thank you for letting me know about it. i’ll take care of it right away.
wife gave another bitchy face and looked away.
i finished ringing them up. as the husband pushed the cart away, two of the orchids fell over and snapped.
wife (immediately): this paying area is really too small. (looked around exaggeratedly)
me (deeeep breath): why dont you pick out two news ones? no charge.
wife gestured for husband to get more orchids, and said,
wife: yeah look how crowded it is here. this area is soooo small.
me (deeeeeeeeeeep breath): just take two orchids, and leave. please.
the couple left.
the next customer: wow you’re really nice.
me (silent cry): no…
the last customer, a regular, came up.
her: that was nice of you.
i told her what happened.
her: yikes.
me: trust me, i would NOT have been so nice if she didnt threaten to sue my ass.

i got my floor patched up the very next day.

—————————-

that one time i lost my cool – 

this couple who claimed to do wedding flowers in huge volume came and said they were going to “try us out" a few times. and with every single order they had insane complaints about the quality of our flowers (i never have this much problem with any other customer.)

the last time they were here:

wife: why are these so small???
wife: why are those the wrong color???
wife: why arent the lilies more open???

then the husband stood there and looked at me with this disapproving look… like i was his teenage daughter who’d just revealed to him i was pregnant.

i, staring back at him: can i help you with something?
the husband kept glaring at me and slowly shook his head.
me: that’s enough.
wife: alright. i dont think we can continue to buy flowers from you. this will have to be our last order.
me: GRREAT.

now both the husband and the wife looked at me like i was their pregnant teenager daughter who’d also revealed that i was addicted to crack cocaine.

husband: we know your father, you know? we’ve been to his farm. i’m gonna tell him about this.
i, pretty sure with smoke coming out of my ears, yanked my phone out of my pocket, shoved it in his face and said: HERE! GO AHEAD!! CALL HIM!!!!

the couple left and never came back.

later i asked my dad if they really knew him, he said: 那夫婦倆都是神經病. 不要理他們. (“they’re both crazy. just ignore them.")

try to snitch on me to my dad? give me a fucking break.

——————————

and that one time that topped all the other times –

customer picked out a bunch of things and asked for discounts with a pleasant attitude.
i prepared her invoice and offered to knock down $1 for each regular priced item.
(for wholesale, $1 is not little.)
customer read invoice.
customer: did you give me discount?
me: yea. i gave you a dollar off of each orchid.
customer read invoice.
customer: you didnt give me discount.
me: i did. it shows on the invoice where the discounts are applied.
customer asked how much i charged for everything.
patiently went over each item with her.
customer: so you only gave me discount on one thing!
me: no, i gave you a dollar off of everything.
customer: where? i dont see!
i, less patiently, took a pen and circled the words “DISCOUNT" and “SALE" in each line on her invoice.
me: here. discount. discount. discount. discount. sale. discount.
customer read invoice again, and noticed the SALE item.
customer: this one. you told me $10 before. now you still charge $10.
me: it was $13, now ON SALE for $10, so i charge you $10.
customer: but you said $1 everything. this one you dont give $1 off.
me: ma’am, it’s already DISCOUNTED.

as customer proceeded to pay, i noticed a padlock on her purse. no, not a trendy decorative one. a fully functional one which she unlocked with a key, then opened the purse to take her wallet out.

customer: you have to charge tax even if i pay cash?
me: yes.
customer: but i never have to pay tax outside. (she’s referring to street vendors)
me: we’re inside. you pay tax inside.
customer: i know, but i pay in cash. why you have to charge tax?
me: this is AMERICA. we pay taxes here. (i seem to throw this line around quite a bit.)
customer: (her total was $179.55) ok make it even. $175.
me: no.
customer: you already charge me tax… and you dont give me discount. you can’t do $175?
me: no. i can’t do $175.
customer looked at invoice again.
customer: ok then i dont want the two $10 ones.
me: not a problem.
i revised her invoice and printed out a new copy.
me: your total comes out to be $157.68.
customer read invoice.
customer: how did you come up with this number?
me: what?
customer: before tax was $166.25. you take $20 off… how much is tax for $20?
me: seriously?
customer: yeah because $166.25, minus $20… 8% tax for $20 is… how did you come up with this number?
me: because the computer calculated it!
customer looked at invoice and did math intensely in her head.
me (handed her a calculator): please. please use this.
customer did more intense math, then reluctantly took money out of her wallet.
customer: how about just $157?
me: nope.
customer: but you charge me tax! on bolsa they dont charge tax!
me: you know, you pay me tax, i give the tax to the government. i dont get your tax money.
customer: but i pay cash. why you have to charge tax?
at this point i just shook my head.
me: $157.68.
customer: $157.
me: IT’S ONE HUNDRED FIFTY-SEVEN DOLLARS AND SIXTY-EIGHT CENTS. AND YOU’RE PAYING  ME EVERY. LAST. PENNY.
customer: well, then you’re giving me a receipt right?
me: the paper you’re holding in your hand? that’s your receipt. all yours to keep. you want extra copies? i’ll print you ten more.
customer: oh no i dont need.
customer paid and left.

——————————

i just realized i totally sound like a bitchy stickler. but i’m not! i always gladly offer discounts to nice customers. or cute elderly people! i understand that everyone loves a good deal, and i give discounts often so they’ll want to come back. i only hate those customers who come in and act as if i owe them shit. that’s when i want to tell them to take their twenty dollar bills and shove it up their big fat…

gosh i’m glad i’m leaving. this place is not good for my mental health.

廣告

2 thoughts on “(很長一段的) 無言

  1. hovex 說道:

    我謹代表越南同胞向您說聲抱歉 (自以為)

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